I Don't Fear Strange

I Don't Fear Strange;

I sometimes still struggle with being seen as unconventional or quirky. As a young child, I wished to be conforming, I wanted to be accepted for all my flaws. I wanted to be well-liked and popular even sometimes going out of my way to be seen as such. But even with my desire to be "normal" or well-adjusted, I realized that it did not come natural. 

I wanted to day-dream and join the traveling circus; the more I tried to express myself the more I realized I wanted elsewhere; I stood out like a sore-thumb. There's more times I can count where I believed I was doing "something right" and found out, I just thought differently; I saw the world through a different lens. 

One of my early childhood memories in school goes back to being in the first grade and being called up to explain my math. What is 4+3+5? I explained that I would see dots on the corners of the numbers that helped me count; 4 dots on each corner and one on the standing leg. 3 had three dots around its curvature and 5 had its dots on the corners that met the ends. But I was wrong? I wasn't meant to explain exactly how I counted. But rather that I began by adding 4 +3 and then 5, a broader explanation. 

It took me longer than I thought to be able to accept that thinking outside of the box does not mean you're deficient or less than. Taking the road less traveled by does in fact comes with its rewards. 

Now as an adult, I have a greater appreciation for the whimsy of being. I no longer wish to hide the facets of myself that are loud or imperfect. Even my art is imperfect, but my desire to be fully authentic is one of my biggest goals in life. 

Although I believe every feeling we experience as humans are meant to teach us about ourselves or the world. I also know that uncomfortable emotions are that... uncomfortable. But being uncomfortable momentarily allows us to grow and gain newer insight for the future.

Well that is what this newer collage means to me, a reinforcing neuron passageway. One I hope becomes a part of me, unashamed and unshakable. 

away with shame, embrace strange!